Recently, Fox News ran a story about which of the last three presidents mentioned God the most in their Thanksgiving addresses. They did this because, as everyone knows, whoever mentions God the most wins. The more you talk about God, you see, the more religious you are. You guys knew that, right?

Obama, the most recent president, has had only three Thanksgivings so far in which to mention God, and he totally dropped the ball on it, too, mentioning God only twice. That’s a God-mentioning rate of just 66%.

Like Obama, Bill Clinton is also a member of the party of Satan. When he was president, he had the full complement of eight Thanksgivings in which to mention God, but did so only four times, for a dismal God-mentioning rate of just 50%.

George W. Bush of the Righteous Right had, like Clinton before him, all eight Thanksgivings in which to mention God. He took full advantage of it, too, mentioning God a whopping seven times. While not a hundred percent, I think we can all agree that that’s a pretty stellar God-mentioning rate, especially for someone with moderate cocaine-induced brain damage.

Clearly, Mr. Bush is the most religious of the recent presidents and follows the path of Jesus hardcore, even though he lied to all of us about how there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq so that a war could be started in which hundreds of thousands of people died.

“What would Jesus do?” Mr. Bush no doubt asked himself and the answer from on high came back clear as a bell: “Further the global agenda of your neo-con puppetmasters.”


Of course, this is Fox News were talking about. Everything they say can be immediately dismissed as lies, skewing, or propaganda. Their tagline “fair and balanced” is now regarded by everyone over the age of twelve (chronologically or mentally) as a complete joke. If Fox News is fair and balanced, then so am I—in spades, baby.

All news is biased, to be frank. Reporting the news is and of itself biased. Some information is selected to be shared, while other information is discarded. True, everything can’t be reported, but why are the things that are reported, reported? Bias, plain and simple. A person who isn’t you determines what is and therefore isn’t reported and your job as Faceless Peasant is to sit there with your mouth open saying “Ahhhh.”

The internet is killing this, of course, and newspapers are turning out to be the first casualties. Without the internet, no one would have even known about the Occupy Movement, especially if the cops hadn’t started brutalizing the non-violent participants. Because of the free exchange of information and the fact that it is mostly citizen-driven, the internet will become greatly regulated and controlled over the next several years.

We have freedom of speech, provided our corporate overlords agree with what we’re saying. Saying whatever we want is not acceptable, especially if it hurts the handful of media companies that need to monopolize the distribution of information for their existence.

Obviously, the internet is not immune to bias, but it’s big and open enough (for now) that you can find the news you agree with the most. There’s a whole slew of left-leaning websites out there if you’re bent that way. There are libertarian websites, which are actually just Republican websites that smoke pot. There are anarchist websites, which are actually just libertarian websites that paid attention in college. Of course, there’s a ton of right wing sites as well.

Of special historical note among right wingers is the Drudge Report, run by Matt Drudge. One of the first citizen journalists, Matt nearly ripped a hole in the fabric of the universe when he broke the story about the harmless hummer Bill Clinton got from Monica Lewinsky. He and his pretentious hat have been around ever since.

These days the Drudge Report is essentially a collection of links to things Matt wishes were true, plus some shock and prurience thrown in for ratings. Lately, Matt spends his time digging up obscure polls that show the Obama Presidency tanking and “reporting” every incident of violence of the Occupy Movement except for the police brutality. If an Occupier uses the ‘F’ word in front of a lady, Matt’s all over it like dots on dice, but shooting a peaceful demonstrator who also happens to be a veteran in the face with a rubber bullet, nary a word.

Matt Drudge: keepin’ real.

Of course, as a right wing website, the Drudge Report will never face the coming regulation. That will be reserved for those who distribute information damaging to the corporatism we’re supposed to pretend is free enterprise. SOPA and it’s sister law, PIPA, will give corporations the right to censor the internet via their stooge, the US government. And mark my words: these proposed laws are just the beginning.

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