The National Defense Authorization Act, a law that gives the president the right to lock up anyone indefinitely without trial if they are suspected of terrorism, including American citizens, was signed into law yesterday by President Obama.

After signing the bill in the lovely state of Hawaii, Obama said “I want to clarify that my Administration will not authorize the indefinite military detention without trial of American citizens [even though I just gave myself the power to do so and set a precedent that will surely be followed by every President after me]. Indeed, I believe that doing so would break with our most important traditions and values as a Nation.”

He then apologized for being such a giant wuss and promised that he would stand up and fight for something “at some point,” adding quickly, “except for the Constitution.”

After the brief ceremony, the President hugged his lovely wife Michele and resumed his second vacation of the month.

related: FBI wants some activists labelled as terrorists

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