The Rick Santorum Diet for Poor People

Of the two ridiculous Ricks running for the presidency, I can’t decide which is ridiculous-er, Rick Perry, with his odd Marlboro Man looks and faux Christianity, or Rick Santorum, who thinks abortion is wrong in every case except for his wife’s. After a great deal of Herman Cain-like prayer and soul-searching, I have opted for Rick Santorum because the coin I flipped was tails.

In Le Mars, Iowa on Monday, Santorum said he would greatly reduce funding for food stamps because lots of people are fat. “If hunger is a problem in America, then why do we have an obesity problem among the people who we say have a hunger problem?” Rick wondered.

Later on, Rick also said that his crowds in Iowa “were getting a little bigger,” but he probably meant in numbers. In Le Mars that day, some 30 people showed up to hear him speak, several of them completely sober.

They were there for Rick’s Marie Antoinette moment, but instead of “Let them eat cake,” they heard “Let them eat nothing.”

People in America are fat for a number of reasons, none of which is wealth. In fact, studies show that obesity rates are much lower among the wealthy, probably because they can afford real food.

Cheap food is not real food and the less expensive it is, the more likely it is to be high-calorie, high-fat, and high-crap all around. American peasant food is a manufactured product that has been engineered within an inch of its life to be more like a drug, with the perfect balance of fat, salt, and sugar to cause cravings. Americans are for the most part very ignorant about their food, learning about it as they do from advertising, which, of course, is all lies. The less money you spend on food, the more likely you’re getting screwed. It’s actually pretty brilliant capitalism if you think about it: the cheaper the product you make, the more you rip people off.

Poor people don’t have the financial means to eat healthy organic food made out of plants and other natural things, and because of this Rick Santorum wants to make them even poorer.

In one statement, Rick has demonstrated an ignorance both of poverty and nutrition, as well as the air-headed heartlessness characteristic of politicians in general and Republicans in particular.

Taking food stamps away from poor people is simply another mean thing politicians can do to the less fortunate to appease the wealthy interests they work for.

Aside from the obvious idiocy of Santorum’s statement, you never hear these clowns talk about what rich people don’t need. It’s always what poor people don’t need. You never hear them say “We should eliminate all the tax breaks because millionaire CEOs don’t need $350 wine with dinner.”

Obviously, you wouldn’t hear that from a Republican, but you also wouldn’t hear it from a Democrat, at least not earnestly. America is a plutarchy, more so now than ever, and it’s always a bad idea to piss off the boss.

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