Gathering of Narcissists Turns Deadly

An outing of luxury sports car enthusiasts ended in an expensive freeway pileup Monday morning, smashing eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini, two Mercedes, and three other yet to be identified sports cars. More than 1 million dollars in vehicular awesomeness was lost in the gruesome carnage.

The drivers, ranging in age from 37 to 60, were all very rich men and will not suffer financially from the accident, which occurred in Japan. The mental anguish, however, could linger.

“First the earthquake and tsunami, now this,” said one of the the enthusiasts as he sobbed uncontrollably alongside the road.

Unlike the majority of First World residents, who suffer from depression and anxiety, very rich men have their own unique set of mental problems, believing, for example, that they are more valuable as human beings than they actually are. They also experience a haunting interior vacuum due to the soullessness created by extreme wealth and many material possessions. Owners of expensive sports cars in particular suffer from TDS (Tiny Dick Syndrome) at more than five times the rate of the rest of the male population. Despite this, scoring women is not one of their problems because, as Lawrence pointed out in the classic film Office Space, “Chicks dig dudes with money.”

None of the men were seriously injured, unfortunately.

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