A man in Miami Gardens, Florida has been charged with injecting Fix-A-Flat into people’s asses. Officials said the injections led to “serious medical conditions,” whereupon the entire universe replied “No, shit, Sherlock?”

Police believe there may be other victims, all of whom must be severely brain damaged to have even considered this, and are asking the public’s help. If you know of someone whose ass has exploded in little or no time, and without the normal investment in Taco Bell, KFC, and Pizza Hut required, please come forward, try not to laugh, and report it. Contact the Miami Gardens Police Department at 305-474-1420. Thank you.

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