“I’M FUCKING THIS CHICK”

A naked 71-year-old woman and her equally naked male companion, 54, were arrested recently for indecent exposure after a Michigan cop found them porking in the back seat of a Buick Regal. The car was rocking gently and had its windows steamed over, according to the police report.

When the officer opened the vehicle’s rear door and asked the nude couple what they were doing, the male, Tim Adams, offered a concise answer. “I’m fucking this chick,” he said.

The Buick Regal, owned by the female, Rita Daniels, was in a shopping center parking lot, adjacent to a restaurant, and in plain view of several people, including a 10-year-old-boy, who was so traumatized by what he saw he had to be put down with an injection of potassium chloride, a substance which stops the heart.

A police investigation determined that the couple’s courtship was a brief one. They had met for drinks at a nearby bar “before moving to the back seat of the Buick.” When questioned by cops, neither Daniels nor Adams could remember the other’s name. A Breathalyzer test recorded Daniels’s blood alcohol content as .15, nearly twice the state limit.

Daniels and Adams were busted for indecent exposure and disorderly intoxication and booked into the local jail, where they were held until sobriety returned, which it did, tragically, in just a matter of hours.

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