So, yeah, I’ve been eating crazy-ass healthy for exactly a week and a day now. It hasn’t been difficult at all. Eating like this is pretty normal for me. I just had to get back into the groove.

I feel better, though. Mentally. Or maybe physically which translates into mentally.

Boy, I was dulled out there at the end. My brain felt like a bean bag chair that had absorbed too many farts. The whole fucking time I had to write articles for Cagle too, had a goddamn deadline.

That was hard.

I drank too much, like an average of 6 beers a day, many times more than that. I don’t own a scale, but I bet I gained weight. Beer, burgers, bacon, french fries—none of it really food since it was all made in factories and came out of boxes and tubs and bags and shit.

I will not cook again in a restaurant setting in the Midwest. Repeat after me: I will not cook again in a restau…

So here I am all healthy, needing far less sleep and writing my thoughts out in my trusty red steno pad with my trusty yellow pencil that I bought on Ebay.

You heard right, kids. I bought this pencil on Ebay. Your argument is invalid.

Know what else? I’ve developed a crush on garbanzo beans. Scroll back and you will find a comical short post about how my beard was full of hummus after I literally made love to it (the hummus, not the beard) with bread and zucchini.

I love the name: garbanzo beans. It’s great. Also called chickpeas, but fuck that. Garbanzos all the way, bitches. Say it with me: garbanzo. It kinda sounds made up, huh?….like most of the last names in the Harry Potter saga or something.

If you say it over and over it becomes a meaningless, drab little vocable, a funny noise: garbanzo, garbanzo, garbanzo, garbanzo, garbanzo, garbanzo.


Actually, you can do it with any word. One of my faves is “pliers”. Like this: pliers, pliers, pliers, pliers, pliers, pliers.

The meaning actually flees from the word like a politician from a direct question. It’s pretty weird.

So, like I was saying, garbanzo beans are the shit. Today I’m making garbanzo bean burgers.

You’re all invited.

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