Sarah Palin® and Bristol Palin® trademark their names.

The former Alaska governor and 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee fulfilled the requirements for trademarking her name, barring any unusual administrative findings, said Cynthia Lynch, a representative for the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The trademark was filed for “educational and entertainment services, namely, providing motivational speaking services in the field of politics, culture, business and values.”

The trademark will allow Sarah® to sue for a cut of the profits from Nailin’ Palin’, the feel good porn hit of 2008. “There’s a lot of money in porn,” said Sarah®, “and since I helped generate some of it, I think I should get a piece. It’s actually not a bad little movie, to be frank. In one scene, Lisa Ann, the worthless slut who plays me, pretends to cum so hard she cries out, ‘I’m speaking in tongues!’ LOL. I’ve actually done that with my faithful houseboy, Benito.”

Bristol Palin®’s trademark will apply to “educational and entertainment services, namely, providing motivational speaking services in the field of life choices.”

“I’ve always liked my name,” said Bristol®, 20. “Mom and dad were having a bastard of a time thinking one up for me and it wasn’t until the 9th month that they came up with Bristol®.”

“Yep,” agreed Sarah®, “I had gotten wasted the night before with some hunters at the bar and in the morning I was standing in the bathroom eating aspirin. For some reason, I flipped the bottle over and saw Bristol-Myers Squibb, which my handlers tell me is the company that makes all the aspirin. Boom! I had a name for my daughter.”

“Thank god you didn’t make my middle name Myers Squibb, Mom,” said Bristol®.

“I wasn’t that drunk,” said Sarah®.

“LOL,” said Bristol®.

full story here

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